Day 8: Families Can Be Together Forever

Even with everything going on, my body needed sleep. Every ounce of energy had been drained and my body just couldn't handle any more. Luckily we had a room at the hospital that they were letting us stay in; however, it was a hospital bed that I am fairly certain is smaller than a twin size bed. I had the shakes so bad that even with the layers of clothes I had on, and the blankets, and the heating pad on full blast, I was still shaking uncontrollably. So for that night, I was thankful for that tiny bed, because at some point Logan finally came in there and snuggled up close enough that the shakes finally stopped.

That morning our families trickled in to kiss and love on him. For the first time, we were able to dress him. Emmy was also able to come in and hold him and sing. Thankfully, she didn't understand what was going on at the time, so she was nothing but excited to see her baby brother again. She would frequently glance around the room, noticing others that were emotional, and look confused as to why we weren't whole heartedly smiling with her. I'm so glad she got those last moments with her baby brother, and even though I'm not sure she will remember, I'm glad we have pictures that she can look at to remind herself of the joy she felt while holding him.

Eventually it was time for our family to leave. This is when I know for a fact that as the comfort of our families left the room, a team of angels and our Heavenly Father quickly filled the empty space. I sat in the rocking chair and was handed Dawson, finally dressed and wrapped in a soft, thick blanket. The monitors were removed so we could hold him without waiting for the wailing of the alarms. We held him tight and rocked him, as if we were just waiting for him to take an afternoon nap. He stared at us for only moments before he peacefully fell asleep in our arms.

A moment that before I went through it I would have imagined as heart-wrenching and absolutely devastating, is actually held as a dear memory in my heart. It's a memory of a time I felt nothing but love for my most perfect baby. It's a memory of a time I felt prayers streaming in at an outrageous speed. It's a memory of a time I felt nothing but love and comfort from my Heavenly Father.

We miss our sweet baby Dawson daily. But we know his frail body is no longer feeling the pains of this world and that he is being taken care of while he waits for us. We know that we will see him again, and we are so very thankful for that knowledge.